Letter To Mom

Dear Mom,
How are you? Where are you now? What are you doing right now?
Is it weird if I ask question like that? Because really I don't know where are you, what are you doing and how's your condition right now.
But, from your status in facebook it seems that you're alright until now.
So happy to see that.

Thank you for everything you've done in my life until now.
Thank you.
I write this post maybe because right now I'm feeling alone.
Instead of calling you I choose to post this.
Do you realize that we are being awkward when we see each other?
Do you realize we are not being chitty chatty again when we see each other?
Do you realize I'm not that comfortable around you when you're here?
Do you realize that I'm broken heart right now?
Do you realize that I always crying in the middle of the night because of you?
I'm so selfish.
I just think about myself.
So sorry about that.

I have 2 sisters and 1 brother. They all already getting married. How about me?
Do you realize how lonely I am right now?
Maybe not.
People think I have such a perfect life. But, I am not.
I hate to check or just open my Facebook, Instagram, Path account because I feel so lonely when I see my friends is travelling the world, having a good time and the worse thing is I see them with their both parents. Oh so sad right?
But it's okay.
My boyfriend said that I'm not okay at all.
Oh wait, he knows.
Yes, my boyfriend know all of my struggles, how lonely I am and how broken heart I am right now.
Cause, the only person I wanna share about everything is him.
And I love communicating with God.

Mom, it's okay.
If you love to travelling and try something new.
It's okay. Do it.
You said that you have family out there who accept you whatever you want to do.
I'm happy to hear that.
Maybe because you're hurt so much in your previous life so you ran away.
It's okay for me.

Mom, I'm okay if you're wondering how well I am.
I feel it's better alone.
I love it.

So sorry if I'm not that comfortable when you're around.
Because something doesn't seem right and I don't know what it is.
I'm so sorry.
And one thing again.
I''m so sorry for not calling you.
Cause simply I don't have interesting thing to share about and I don't know what should I ask you or what should I tell you.

So this is my selfishness mind.

From your depressed daughter, Septia.