Wondering.

I've been wondering so much. I've a lot of question in my head. Why is this happen? Why was I born with this family? Why I have mother and father like that? Why can not I live like my friends that have perfect family, perfect life and can get everything they want?

In other cases all I know now is I have one thing, one person, one spirit that love me so much. He is Jesus.
I've been wondering so much why I have to pray. God knows everything. He knows my past, present and future. He knows when will I get a job, where will I work and who's my future husband.
So why I have to pray?
He design everything in my life.
Why?

One day, I got an answer for my question. Why does I have to pray if God all-knowing.
And the answer bring me to tears.
Until several days ago I never realize how much God loves me, I never believe God loves me that much because my life was such a damn terrible.
Until now I'm still unemployed.
I don't have much money just to get a new pair of glasses.
I don't have much money like my friends all of there who's happy to travel around the world and never think about getting a job.

The answer for the question is God loves me. Even if He knows everything, He wants to talk to me, He wants to communicate with me. I am such a pleasure for Him and how stupid I am never realize that.
For all my question I got the answer. Why I am still unemployed (I will explain it in the next post) and etc.
I got the answer from Pastor Joseph Prince.
He is such a lovely pastor and he change my mind, he change my perspective about God.
God is our father, everything He has I have too. How great it is.

Yesterday I have a thing. In my pocket I just have Rp 160.000,- and I have to survive until 25th February. How can that be?
But my sister ask me "Septia, can I borrow some of your money? I'll pay back this night" and I ask "How much?" she said "150.000".
It's morning and I have to go to church, I didn't get my breakfast yet but I give the money to her.
and simply pray to God " God, I don't know what should I eat this morning and later at night, I have 10.000 left and I will give it for the church, I believe in You and You'll manage it, I will not worry about everything"

And thanks God, I got my breakfast because I still have left money from my boyfriend and later at night my sister gave me food. That's how perfect my God is. He even works in a small things that I can't imagine of.

I start to love God and I hope will love Him more and more.
I miss God beside me, feeling His presence inside my heart.